I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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