Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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