my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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