He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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