Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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