I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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