made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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