What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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