The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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