I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize