It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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