i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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