1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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