Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize