you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I want is dick and wine.
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