i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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