Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize