Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize