i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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