I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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