i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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