everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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