Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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