I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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