Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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