I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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