The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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