A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
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