stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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