OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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