I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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