you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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