and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize