Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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