One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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