What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize