just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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