there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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