I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize