worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
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After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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