This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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