This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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