her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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