i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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