If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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