I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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