Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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