My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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