R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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