Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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